WOW, it's X-mas again already....

TODAY.....I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO START!!

Well I guess I have to take you back a few days!

Work has been crazy..., my husband and I work completely different schedules and now he is helping coach with the men's team here, so even more time away. So where was I to find time to shop or he for that matter. It seemed as if I couldn't get motivated and was plagued with the "BA humbug" attitude or just didn't have the money when I wanted to go shopping or saw something in Walmart. ;-)
Then today approaches and I have almost NOTHING ready.

No turkey,

no side dishes,

no wrapping paper,

no picture with Santa,

no stocking stuffer,

no tape,

no cookies or carrots for Santa and his Reindeer...

you name it we didn't have it. So at 3pm after the girls napped and we all got dressed we head out the door and out loud I reminded myself; after looking at the time on my cell phone that it was Christmas eve....frantically I start calling and txting just to make sure we had time.

Yes, everything I needed to do stopped doing it at 6pm. I had 3 hours to get to the mall, stand in line for a photo, pick up some last minute things, and go to Walmart to get all the food I needed for our Christmas dinner.....If only we had a camera crew following us.

& If you know my family you can only envision what words cannot convey. I must say we were doing good until we arrived at Walmart at 5:30pm........

This is where it took a turn. Over the intercom continuously they are saying "Our store will be closing at 6pm so our associated can spend time with their families." Then a few minutes later "Our doors have closed no more entry and our store will be promptly closing in 15 minutes. All the while we are still frantically looking for things we need...J is whining and screaming, Ryan is mad and pouting and not answering me because he wants a "JOKER" poster right NOW....Peanut is chilling in the cart all leaned back probably wandering where there is room for her in all this caos..bless her heart!! SO with all of this and the announcements I could not think...& to top it off this lil guy walks up to us and says if you are not in line in 5 minutes you will not be checked out...HOLY KUNUDRA....sooooo that only meant one thing....TEAM ALPHA...BREAK...! I start running in one direction pushing J, yelling at the top of my lungs for Ryan..hence no time to walk around and look for him...(BTW he was totally embarrassed)..my husband the other way with Peanut looking frantically for what we needed! Ryan runs ahead and yells out...."6 MOM 6"!! We both run to the register as if a race to the finish line and HI5 and claim our victory....

But so quick after we made it to the car did we realize that we had forgotten so many things....LOL

I still cannot help but laugh.

Thankfully Family Dollar stayed open till 7...!

I have written so much already but I absolutely could not go to sleep without writing, my mind is just racing with so many things.

All in all this year is such a bitter sweet Christmas....I am trying so desperately to help my son hang on to the magic in Christmas...hoping he will give me one more year of believing in Santa. I know and he knows that there isn't some fat man in a red suit that comes in our house while we sleep.....but after all he is my baby....and It is so hard to let that go.

He asked me over and over tonight if he could help me with the girls stuff or if I needed help, and every time I turned it down. I even put my middle child to sleep and went to lay with him, trying to make him believe...but after awhile he just said mom don't lay in here and fall asleep you will forget to put the presents under the tree. My heart ached so.

& Then there is J who is just now entering into the magic of Christmas. Who today at the mall saw Santa and was completely and utterly unsure, but as soon as daddy sat her in Santa's arms she knew she was in love. How could someone be so warm and cozy her little face displayed. I just felt so warm inside just to see such innocence. All the while Peanut is screaming for deal life and not wanting a thing to do with that scary looking old man.

I smiled with delight as our picture got printed off, though. The photo was so family defining and we matched....accident(?)...YES! I was absolutely not dressed for a photo this evening and honestly wanted it to just be the kids. Yet, Ryan told me time and time again that there was NO WAY he was getting his picture made with Santa, and also kept reminding me that we had a deal that last year would be the last. AND ooooo how he came thru for his sister when she was in need...and that made him so much more special to her and to me. She clinged to him and felt confident again that everything was going to be alright. And looked beautiful in the photo.

I wanted to sleep but my husband is still wrapping gifts at this weeee hour, so I thought I would save him some trouble and more hours awake and prep his Turkey and stuffing for tomorrow...it was the least!

Well with that I guess all that's left to say is.....

Merry Christmas...& to all a Goodnight!

SHANNYN

Will the New Day....bring Peace of Mind?

My mind is so busy with thoughts

My body is exhausted

and my heart so heavy.

My mind races of to-do list, what I can't afford for Christmas morning, and why I always push people away and end up alone

I have worked and ran my body till I believe it knows no rest.

Not sure if I am hurting for me, my kids, or just all of man kind.

I wanted to cry more than once today, but realized that I would just be sitting in self pity and really for what?

Life seems to go by so fast these days, lacking substance, genuineness and most importantly LOVE.

We scramble together of the morning and drop the kids off at school or daycare then off to work to make a difference...?
Or to just makes ends meet?

I ramble with my words, not even sure if I know what I want from life, think about myself, or know anymore.......
maybe its just sleep deprivation...




Maybe tomorrows sunrise will bring a better day.....Goodnight!


Thank You God for my FAMILY and LIFE! I know that even though I'm down, you will see me through!

Shannyn

We Are Surviving So Far...

My FAMILY is COUNTING on my VOTE in the 2008 ELECTION!!!

OBAMA08
(Monday, November 3, 2008 at 2:51pm)

I am a true believer of FREEDOM OF CHOICE.....and OPINION!! YET I must say the world has GONE BAD...not as if you hadn't noticed! So really with all the speculation about OBAMA what seriously would we have to LOOSE if he became President of the United States! We are already killing our sick, kicking our poor people on the streets, and telling our children that struggle with learning they are NOT important enough to teach! I don’t even have to pull my files from work to give you examples of how the AMERICAN DREAM is a thing of the past. I can start right here at home! I have a family of 5. Myself, my silly husband and our three children; Ryan the sk8a, J the wild one, & Peanut the princess! I graduated from college a couple of years ago, am now working as a social worker. I recently went from working full-time to working part-time.

For reasons out of my control: Our daughter, which most of you already know has VSD a condition with her heart. She sees her Cardiologists once a month. Each visit requires a chest X-ray and every three visits require an Echocardiogram. The Insurance thru my work cost me 859.00 a month &30% co-pay at each visit!!! I got paid bi-monthly and that sum, if coming out of one check left my family & I $5.00! NO EXAGERASION!!!! That left the other check for our bills such asDaycare ($200.00 wk)Car insuranceUtilitiesGroceries30% co-pay(s)Any school related expenses for both my son and husbandLeaving my family with the BARE MINIMUM and NO EXTRAS...!!!! At the end of the working month I was -$34.00..! I was paying the government to utilize my college degree.

Now working at a fraction of that we still seem to come out a little ahead. My children our now able to receive medical assistance through the government which eliminates my medical insurance cost & co-pays. So in short I was FORCED to work part-time in order for my family to be able to survive, literally!!HA! At our last doctors appointment with Aryanna I asked Dr. Heydarian if he could schedule her surgery before November 4th 2008! He laughed at me, but he knew exactly where I was going with that question.............

**The first thing McCain & Palin plan to do is CUT Medicaid and all its counter parts. Palin says she wants families to be able to pay for there own health insurance.**

HOW?? Maybe those families that don’t have health issues. Shoot even a regular visit to the family doctor with your co-pay would be 20.00-25.00. You have seen my figures where am I supposed to find that money. Not pay my water bill that month?? Hey I’m not one of those lucky families that the government just paid off the debt to my YACHT!!

I was so tired of struggling when I was a single mother with Ryan, so I went to college thinking my family could then thrive. ............

Yet have been proven that my idea of thriving is now MY reality of SURVIVING!

What’s going on is REAL!

It worries me that soooo MANY people are letting "Islamofacism" be the base for their vote this year which is hindering them from seeing other MAINSTREAM ISSUES that are going on and could be become real problems of the future!!

But it will be what is destined to be.

GOD knows our future...and the President he has already been determined and I will take whatever comes my way.

We will adapt to our surroundings, protect our children (even when the government wont) and SURVIVE!!

But I will know longer (after RESEARCHING) let being torn between exercising right to affect change and not voting weigh me down because I haven’t felt strongly about either. But today I tell YOU……………………………BARRACK HUSSEIN OBAMA HAS MY VOTE!!ELECTION 2008!!

Shannyn